The Art of Retraining Your Nervous System: 3 tools to get started

We are creatures of habit. We default and do what has worked, which to the body, “worked” simply means survived. What we are actually looking for is what can bring me back to calm or as discussed in my last blog, back into your window of tolerance! If you don’t know what your window is, go check out my last blog.

In this blog, I will teach you three tools that I teach all of my clients. Learning and retraining the nervous system to regulate is a crucial step in EMDR therapy.

Not every technique or skill is going to work best for everyone so approach each with flexibility and bravely give them a try! For some, modifications may need to be made for these exercises. If you find these exercises intolerable or even impossible, I encourage you to reach out to a trauma-informed therapist who can help you utilize these essential skills.

1. Concentration Exercise

This sounds much more elaborate than it is! I learned this from Dr. Nacho in Scaling Up’s GAP training on recent events and ongoing traumatic stress protocols for EMDR. This is a simple breathing exercise with the intention of bringing you back to the present moment. Oftentimes when we are dysregulated our nervous system has interpreted the environment the same way that it did in the past. This is where the AIP model (EMDR’s way of conceptualizing the brain and trauma) says, “the past lives in the present”. When this happens our bodies, emotions, or both, usually default to a survival response. Before beginning EMDR we have to retrain your nervous system, body, and mind that there is another way to respond to a threat.

Here is the exercise:

As you inhale, say to yourself “I am inhaling”.

As you exhale, say “I am exhaling”.

Try 5-10 sets of this exercise and notice any shifts in your breathing, body, and mind. Hopefully you find that you are back in the present moment and your nervous system is now appropriately responding to the environment and you’ve returned to your window of tolerance. 

2. Five Senses Exercise

This is an oldie but a goodie. My favorite part about this exercise is that it builds so much self-awareness around how little we are present and how often we mentally hang out in the past or the future. Give it a shot. 

Notice 5 things that you can see around you.

Notice 4 things that you can feel.

Notice 3 things that you can hear. 

Notice 2 things that you can smell.

Notice 1 thing that you can taste. 

This should take about 30 seconds. Notice any shifts in your breathing, body, and thoughts. This is a great way to acknowledge that you are out of your window of tolerance and to begin returning back to a regulated nervous system state.

3. Calm Place Exercise

This is one of the first resources we teach in EMDR and it is actually one of the hardest. For individuals that have experienced traumatic events or ongoing relationship trauma, the nervous system eventually learns that it isn’t safe or wise to be calm! The body is so efficient and complex it might say something like “Calm? Don’t bother! Something bad is going to happen, let’s stay alert and prepare!” If this resonates with you, you are now aware that your nervous system needs to be retrained. It is living in a past incident or relationship and needs to be updated. This may also be the reason you are seeking therapy and the first thing you wish to change! Our bodies are bottom up processors which means that our bodies actually interpret the environment before a signal is sent to the brain to make sense and organize what is happening. Therefore one of the beautiful yet challenging invitations I offer to clients in therapy is to honor the way your body responds now. It has kept you alive. Until we are able to be curious and eventually compassionate to this response, the body and nervous system will continue to operate out of the past experiences and react for the sake of survival. 

Our nervous system works in a feedback loop, which means that it communicates with other nervous systems, this process starts with relationships. Many of my clients experienced a form of trauma or ongoing stress in a relationship. So where do we start? A calm place allows us to find a “felt sense” of calm as we explore how to experience this in the world and in relationships. For Christians, we might experience this in practicing the presence of God and personifying Him in the beauty we see around us. It might also be a similar felt sense to when we submit to the Holy Spirit as we respond to His prompting and experience His peace. Nature, music, a cozy living room scene. These are all great starting points to begin to visualize to access a felt sense of calm. 

To start, pick a calming place. This can be real or imagined. At times it may be helpful to use a visual aid. Get on Pinterest, find a beautiful setting, or scroll back to an old vacation photo you took. The image is helpful but remember the goal is to truly feel a physical sense of calm. My clients usually report feeling “less tense” or noticing “my jaw isn’t clenched anymore” and my favorite “I am finally relaxed”.

Now the fun part, how long can you stay here? How long can you tolerate this sense of calm? For some, they might hang out here for a few minutes, for others 30 seconds. It does not matter where you start so long as you start. Increasing almost daily your acknowledgement and ability to hang out in this calm place. 

If this is an exercise you feel you can’t do alone and would like to have guidance and support I understand! This may be something you intuitively do already, keep it up! 

I see time and time again in my office that once clients are able to start being curious and increase their awareness of their nervous system and regulation strategies, it really has a life changing effect on their mood, relationships, and overall wellbeing. I hope you found this helpful. Please feel free to reach out if you have further questions or are interested in learning more about your nervous system and unique ways for you to retrain it for improved well being!